Jesus then stood up and jumped out of the boat, and started walking on the lake. But after a few steps of walking, he then fell into the water and started drowning. Moses seeing this, rushed to save Jesus and get him out of the water. When Jesus was finally saved, Moses, looking confused, then asked him, “Hey, what happened? How did you fall into the water??” Did you hear about the dog who was always concerned about safety? He would bark, “Don’t be silly, wrap your tail, Willy!” As a teenager I was confused that there was lots of different words for ‘sex’. I thought each of the words for ‘sex’ meant something distinct. I thought there were many more different kinds of sex things that I was going to have to get my head around before I became an adult. But then I realised that most of them referred to the same sort of basic penis penetration stuff. And that’s how I came to understand the richness of the English language.” – David Mitchell J ohnson says : “ Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am. ” I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at the World Cup – just happy to be there.” – Russell Howard

What did the cowboy say when someone questioned his decision not to wrap his willy? “Don’t worry, partner. My horse keeps the snakes away!” I’m very old now and I’ve got a body like a dropped lasagne. Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow.” – Frankie Boyle (Photo: BBC) Business had been slow lately, so Johnson figured he might want to try putting out a YouTube video to drum up some business. The thing I don’t get about paedophilia… Why the hell do kids find old men in dirty raincoats so sexy?” – Frankie Boyle Some other filthy jokes:

100 Best Star Wars Dad Jokes

Why girls don't have willys Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow" And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Two minutes later, she is getting dressed again. The man asks her “will you take me to jail, officer?” Why did the astronaut disregard the motto “Don’t be silly, wrap your willy” in space? Because he was already wearing a space suit!Then it’s the turn of the Irishman. He shouts “For Ireland!”…and pushes Johnson out of the plane. 7. Thatcher vs Johnson

My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support. Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to talk with the aliens, so a meeting with our new visitors is scheduled. When it is time for the Pope to speak, he asks, “Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?” What is even worse than waking up after a party and finding a pen*s was drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced. One-liners are usually based on your expectations of language. And the English language in particular is a tremendous mongrel! Why don't girls have willys... A little boy came running into the kitchen an declared, "Mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow."What did the doctor say to his patient? “Don’t be silly, wrap your appendix, Willy! We don’t want any unexpected surgeries!” Joan Rivers–“All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.” The Devil had had enough of Jesus being in the spotlight for so long. He challenged Jesus to compose the longest tale on Microsoft Word and win. Jesus agrees, and they begin. Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography. Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.