Binocular vision is the ability to hold your partner’s perspectives alongside your own and to see yourself through your partner's eyes. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute.

Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: 1. You will also learn the five concepts of mindful loving; how to begin healing your emotional scars; and strategies for ending a relationship peacefully. Only binocular vision allows you to see more deeply into the heart of your partner, while observing your part in the interaction. Being attached will immobilize us; love, on the other hand, helps us achieve a progressively effective and joyous evolution. Those who are open to change tend to see the potential in every situation and view challenges as opportunities for growth.Encouraging your partner to express themselves also cultivates trust and understanding in your relationship. X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. That said, there were a lot of great messages, tools, and ideas in this book, the best (for me) being the description of "the five As", the keys to healthy relationships (friendly, romantic, any relationship): acceptance, affection, attention, appreciation, and allowing the other person in your relationship to be him/herself. Being able to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly while also being an active listener is crucial for fostering understanding and empathy. For instance, if your partner tells you that by refusing to go to their special events or visit their family hurts their feelings, don’t get defensive or brush them off.

If they make mistakes or they do something that makes you upset, do the mature and responsible thing and support them. With Adult brain binocular vision, we own our anxiety, fear, and shame (which cause most anger) and understand what they stimulate in our partners: “I’m pretty anxious, and I know you’re uncomfortable too.One of the most important aspects of taking responsibility for your actions in a relationship is admitting when you’re wrong. We celebrate Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander stories, traditions and living cultures; and we pay our respects to Elders past and present. Our resources are crucial for knowledge lovers everywhere—so if you find all these bits and bytes useful, please pitch in. Owning vulnerability and acknowledging your partner’s discomfort gives you both a chance to be compassionate and cooperative, rather than defensive and recalcitrant. Breaking your partner’s trust is the key to creating an insecure partner which is not good for either party.

It is always unproductive to listen and then counterattack, counter-threaten, counter-blame, or counter-reject in an attempt to manage your own emotions. This is different to other self-help/relationship books in that it is based in the premises of Buddhist mindfulness, and it addresses all aspects of relating in personal relationships, not just love/intimacy. Two people of goodwill can have different perceptions of the exact same situation, and it's important to remember that each one is rooted in their own experiences.Those who are curious are always learning and growing, which helps them be better prepared for whatever changes come their way. Now that this is out of the way, let me also say that this is a good book, and that I do recommend it, will probably recommend it to patients and friends, and I will eventually (and hopefully) get back to it and do some of the practices in it, when I am in a relationship again. I will have to review all of my bookmarks and notes on this again for it to be ingrained but for now, I'm glad I read this book. For example, you can tell yourself something like, “I’m going to try to find a mature solution before I say or do something. If they need something from you, whether it’s emotional or physical, it’s important to give it to them.

Its utterly condescending main title "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" is not actually what this book is about, and I don't think the author intended to condescend (though interestingly, one of his points in the book is that intentions matter not--it's how the words or actions make us feel--and this title did NOT make me feel good as a reader!A relationship will falter when one party does not take responsibility for things they have done wrong. The ways we act in relationships (in romance, friendship, house shares, community, etc) need to be as strong as our political analyses. Author Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships--one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. You need to be able to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about what happened and why it was wrong.